Ya'll Jess Be Lyin'

I'm Jess gonna get right to it...
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 Women lie..Men lie..on their body parts and their ability to use them properly! It is quite a terrible trend to tell such deceitful and unfilling lies and I'm here to put all you ladies and gents on blast because I am sick of it... IF YOU CAN'T use the tool, there is an App and Worldstar Hiphop for that! I'm Serious! LOL...

So Jess A Little Disclaimer and so everyone knows, the scenarios I give are true...I don't give out names and all that jazz but this legit has happened to someone (I may not know the person but I may have heard the story) You all know the routine..."don't tell nooobodyy"...oh ok girl I won't... [Snakes]

So it started by having a simple conversation with a friend about how chicks getting all these body accessories: tongue rings, clitoris rings and then another friend telling me about this guy who kept bragging saying he was Jess SO good at everything..Playa thought he was a super star...Well he was far from that! So what did Jess do? I hit the streets and started asking folks along with the stories I already knew and well...Lets Jess say... I hope you all are ready...

Have you ever dated or been out with someone and they talk big big game about how good they are in the bedroom..Hmm..Well curiosity can kill any cat! Of course one girl experienced the 50 pump and done dude..poor guy his head was also apparently very terrible too! But here are a few comments on some men and their ability to make any magic or in their case no magic happen:

"I've dated guys that didn't realize their penis was small...only slept with one. I couldn't get out of it! Lets just say it was a lot of weak ass humping and my fingers have done a better job but he was such a good guy that I hung in there for about 5 months then picked a fight. He suggested we take some time apart. I agreed. That was in 09!! HA!
 Whats up with ya'll thinking your machine is bigger than it  actually is? I mean why lie..Another comment, I Jess almost about fell out on:

"You want this BIG DICK, upon meeting the "big dick", I noticed more of a vagina...he made all the "big dick" sayings and grunts during sex too NAH PLAYA..then kept referencing  to it as BIG DICK like I didn't see it..did I miss something? Dude was it an optical illusion?" 

You All JESS Be Lying!!! Lie about the shape..make noise to enhance the performance, that is a first LOL..but clearly did not help that guy out...

"I was going [a phrase used to indicate level of thirst] he told me he was gonna be a lawyer..lets just say I explored down under and ummm excuse me brotha, where is the rest? Not only was his penis small I guess he thought I could be enticed with a little dry humping and this vibration thing he did on me...I could only imagine if he would actually gotten me to go...

Wait...vibrating on a human and you all aren't on the dance floor circa 2005 when we were in high school? Yeah homeboy did not deserve the cakes...Glad you kept those goodies to yourself!

Now I'm not done..I'm just getting started on you lying fools.. LADIES, we lie JESS as much...

Men, ever dated a chick. Jess bad! Jess nasty..had all the little accessories--nipples pierced, tongue rings..and that hidden gem the clitoris ring and then to find out baby girl was as boring as a dry eyes commercial?

 "She told me she was all types of freaky and she did things in another country man when it came down to it...she was a 3 outta 10..the sex was terrible she bragged about doggy style and throwing it back, I should of known she was lying she didn't even have an ass...The head was top notch tho...required no clean up".
Chicks with no ass can throw it back...that bish just lied..and what country was she getting freaky in never never land?!  
Now ladies, Jess because you have that tongue ring...does not mean you are Angel from World Star Hip Hop and Jess because you have accessories does not mean you get magical powers with a piercing!
So I wonder what "optical illusion" women and men give off when they get their body parts pierced? My opinion is people get it to show people. I don't care what self empowerment lie they tell twitter, it is used to control the thought behind someone's sexual abilities! Now when I got to asking some men these same questions...some of you guys got real embarrassed..but those that were not shy about sharing...HA!

"I've never had a chick lie on her va jay jay..but I had some boring ass sex to the point where I had to fake it"---damn men have to fake it? Poor lil tinka tink she probably thought she was working you out!

"Well she thought she was wayyy more experienced than she was...so I go into it thinkin' I'd just be sitting back and she'd be showing me a thing or two..BAD IDEA...so I called my boy and told him to call me in 5 minutes and say it was an emergency, I just bounced never heard from her again..." ---So ladies if he hits it and quits, it could be because it was wack, not because you were heaux- if that helps you feel any better. LOL!

I had this discussion with a few home girls and apparently this guy talked big game about how he could please women and that his head game was A1...Well to say the least...She was dried up when he was done! ha! MEN, Why talk about something? Jess be about it! Of course it may sound good...but is it really good??

Another good friend I'll call her Olivia, (since some of you think its cool to play a mistress smh) she said her experience is when a dude is constantly talking about sex they are wack at it... I think that is true, the ones that say the least..perform the best!

Now since I had started asking for feedback, I got one response that I just couldn't leave out...This grown man..was afraid of the Vagina...HUH?!
 "I eventually "beat his ass to the punch" like after a first couple times of having sex you know you are THEE Black Sheba when a dude tells YOU to stop and he is the one hitting it from the back..Whatttt??"- That is pretty bad ass on her part if ya ask me.

And the Story of the night...goes to one who wishes to be included  as a "notoriously owt young bruh" Now this story takes the damn cake... it is JESS insane...
"Back when I was in the 12th grade, I had a little 26 year old she was married I was 17, she use to say freaky shit to me and I'm thinking damn she grown so I told her aye whenever you done with all this freak talk bring yo old ass over here and get worked, finally once the crib wasn't occupied i finally got them panty draws and while it wasn't the worst I'd have better from a sophomore girl that was wayyy more advanced than her.. So I asked "notoriously owt young bruh", did they keep in contact and of course he told me: "damn right she was giving me money and she thought  she had did the damn thing, so I was cordial...never bite the hand that feeds me..

So I guess Yo Gotti had it right after all, Women Lie and Men Lie..but who lies more..hmmm my polling suggests that you men pretty much will lie more than women when it comes to sexual performance and body parts. I also had more women openly tell me stories about guys...where as some of you men were acting all uptight...JESS relax..I'm not putting folks on blast. After all, I'm Jess Sayin'....