This Jess isn't Going To work...

Have you ever wondered about that one date that jess didn't make it after a first or second time? Or why you never make it past dating...to actually being in a relationship? Have you ever stopped to think..DAMN, I must be hitting one of those deal breakers. A lot of times when dating it seems that people eliminate themselves without even knowing it! So I asked around jess because I'm curious but ladies and gents..here are some of the ways you maybe eliminating yourself..
Many people gave me the common deal breakers: liars, untrustworthy, no jobs, ugly. ..etc All of the traits we expect! Although, I'm sure some people may not know that they are ugly HA [I'm petty] But there were some clear hilarious deal breakers which I believe are important to share...one that had me laughing until tears was... jess make sure the person has teeth doesn't matter how many jess making sure they have them. Hilarious. Of course the more realistic deal breaker list includes Hygiene. This is such an important deal breaker; if you take a shit...Please throw some water on that ass.. if you have dirty finger nails do not approach someone before cleaning that mess out! Funny enough men ordering a frozen margarita on a first date---is jess a big turn off; it doesn't show masculinity according to some. Speaking of being masculine---does a female ordering Erk & Jerk (E&J) make them a scally? [Jess Wondering]...Another need to know deal breaker, someone that be on that "Carl Thomas" [EMOTIONAL] a woman that whines it makes her seem immature..but a man that whines..goodness a grown ass human upset about some shit that generally isn't that serious...Bye Felicia..! This jess isn't going to work...Yes women want emotion and sensitivity but that is for the purpose of consoling chicks not for your own problems man up! Shit![Jess kidding...hehe] Another deal breaker which I actually can agree with even though it is a bit superficial; someone that doesn't match their fly--take this how you want to...but most people believe it is important that y'all look like y'all "belong" together...You can't be Grade-A filet Mignon trying  date a packof turkey bacon---it jess isn't going to work...If she/he is truly impressed at the .99 cent store...and you never even been inside the .99 cent store it jess isn't going to work!!!

 Finally, a gloray amen shout goes out to this last and final deal breaker:
Someone that can't hold an intelligent conversation; of course you can be silly--but where is your mind at? A degree definitely isn't a plus, I know a lot of dumb ass college educated people, it jess won't work if you are numb to an intelligent thought process... One person told me "I've never been attracted to dumb asses...but it is a lot of them out there..." Shame shame...hold a conversation people! While many like to accuse each other for only wanting sex are you giving this person hints? Dating is like job interviews truly--say the wrong thing and the job isn't yours..[Jess Sayin] Of course I am not saying you can avoid these deal breakers--but take note in your pattern what are you doing/saying and perhaps that is a way to analyze if you are a fudge up!
 People act like deal breakers are negotiable THEY AREN'T... so the next time you are on a date, texting, or on the phone...THINK before you speak. Are you acting like dollar store material when you believe you are Bloomingdale quality? Well act like it then! Keep those breast put away, the stretchy polyester material away for a while..matter of fact, throw that shit away!!! Men, if you work at the gas station--you better be [HGAIC] head gas attendant in charge! A woman is truly not concerned with WHERE you work..it is how you act about where you work... but don't break your pockets of course, jess show her that your job doesn't dictate your dating life style! I swear I'm jess talking from an opinion--i mostly don't know shit. I'm Jess Sayin!!! ;) Day 4!!! One more day!! Until next time!!

Buy These Bitches Some Bottles!

So a couple of weeks ago me and some of my girlfriends were out celebrating a birthday or whatever. We were all there, minding our own fine business enjoying the scenery when a group of guys and a chick come up to OUR section. We all introduce ourselves to the folks we don't know and get the evil look from the chick that was with the group of guys... Of course we didn't give a damn...1.We were chillin' we don't generally worry about the people that we don't know or CARE to know...shorty was a not a factor...
2. We were enjoying our friend's birthday and could REALLY care less who showed up and who didn't and 3. we are jess the type that if you are friendly and warm we will be too! ANYWAY...within this group there was one guy...a short odd ball [who happened to be with the chick]--- he walks up to our table and says "We AIN'T BUY ALL THESE BITCHES BOTTLES!!"ohhh so of course of all the friends I heard it...I am usually a pretty calm person[HA] but I jess don't take peoples shit EVER.... So I politely go up to him and say WATCH your mouth because none of these BITCHES need you to buy a bottle....

Of course Shorty mack turned around and didn't say another word to us all night [GOOD]... But here is my point, what about my group said "WE THIRSTY CAN YOU BUY US SOME LIQUOR?" Secondly, dudes with curls especially light skin men should know curls for the girls is definitely played out [Jess Sayin] so no one was remotely interested and thirdly, he came up to our table...Get the hell off our property.... Now I was actually more bothered by this than I would normally be because I mean, I think I've got a pretty classy set of friends or whatever; but moreover when did buying a bottle get you ANYWHERE but in the poor house with females??

Apparently he was "type rich"...[clears throat] well BITCH we rich too... LMAO yes it is jess that serious. Not only did you insult us by saying what you weren't going to do, you assumed we actually gave a damn about what you COULD do. [life lesson] most chicks that can afford it...ain't worried about whether you can provide it, in fact we wouldn't have been impressed had you bought it anyway..[Jess Sayin]
See the reason why he thought it was okay to even utter those words is because some of you whorenishas have ruined it for the decent chicks out here...Y'all call each other bitches in public and anytime a man drops a dime or spends a little money them goodies hit the floor! Stop giving it up so easy for a bottle of $100 bottle of moet I'm sure the peen you got wasn't even worth to wooden collector nickels! Excuse me men, [Y'all not off the hook either] I'm jess going to ask you nicely STOP messing with the chicks that look like the help! That is like donating your Sunday's Best to a stripper...Its jess stupid and doesn't make much sense to do. Help them help themselves! As a whole y'all gotta stop because these "bitches" didn't need him to buy a bottle; but obviously he was use to dealing with the same type of chick he brought to the club that night... you know the lace front princess leggings and heels type? Yeah those....but wrong group buddy...but as usual I ain't talking about shit...what the hell do I know because I'm Jess Sayin!

Dr Jess Sayin Webesteem Part 2: Delusion

How many times in a day is someone blocking a hater? How many people claim to have one? Have you ever read a post and thought that b***lying ? Lol Well have no fear, let me help you out they probably don't have haters in real life..Dr. Jess Sayin has entered the building and I'm here to tell you all that most people that address their "haters"..probably don't have proof of even having one person that is "hating" on them. I spoke about Web-esteem [Part 1] a couple of months ago, but I wanted to pick it up with a segment of another disease that is related to these decepticons. Jess to refresh your memory although I know y'all read ALL my posts...a decepticon is someone that is unable to understand the difference between reality and perception  many people jess LIE on social networks..BUT ANYWAY..back to your so-called haters... There are No haters! Jess so we are clear, someone you know may be suffering and in turn are delusional! Don't worry..I've got a few sure signs that might help you save a haeux or two from  delusion..

 1. Do you or someone you know constantly "rebuke" haters in your life? "I ain't got time for haters I'm better than that"- Quita... AYE YO QUITAAAA... if you don't have time for your haters, why waste time addressing them? Why must you declare that you are better than the people that "hate" you? [I'm Jess wondering]... If someone is going to dislike you--- wouldn't they jess be up front about it and if not does it truly concern you?? Quita I think you might be a little delusional...[JESS SAYIN]

2. Are you constantly giving these "haters" salutations?? Lil Doobie posts "Hi/Goodnight Haters" *Turns out night light* --Sooo, did your enemy respond? [Jess Wondering]--often people that truly don't like you wouldn't waste energy making themselves known...if you have to say good morning and good night to them perhaps they don't exist...Lil Doobs you might jess be delusional....

3. Are you a constantly reminding us that you don't have time for a hater? Well, if you don't have time for a hater...why do you even know that you have some? If you don't have time for a hater how do you know how much time it takes? LMAO [Jess Sayin] Shawty...if you don't understand the conclusion that I've drawn i believe you jess made need to be seen by Dr Jess Sayin...because you are in fact delusional..

Don't worry your delusional little head, there is always a cure! You ready for it...!?Jess stop convincing yourself that people hate you..[OOOhhh Killem] It is jess that simple. Thank me Later. Seriously though, having a hater is so 1999, we are in 2013 striving for greater things! So next time you see someone with a hashtag or comment about having a hater...refer them to these 4 words. Do. Better. In. 2013. As I always say...I don't know shit...I'm Jess Sayin... A blog a day for a whole week! [5 days] Day 2!--See ya!!!

Jess Stop it...

So I myself am NO relationship expert; however, there are a few things I've observed... Some ..not all "single" folks broadcast the fact that they are single ... but it seems more like a competition? Who can appear to be "most lonely" via social networks. Often times I scroll down my timeline to witness a lot of "what I would do if I had a man/woman posts" and while you may think its enduring or alluring... let me explain that most of us [single, married, dating, indifferent] 1. DON'T care what you would do in a relationship. 2.. Perhaps the infamous black man having sex with a woman with the caption along the lines of "i wish i had this" makes you look like a heaux? or maybe 3. you look desperate ahhh sounds like thirst trap mixed with desperation which makes you... un-dateable; hence #teamLonely #teamsingle ...Lets do better to end 2013 and leave all the cry baby shit to Drake....[Jess wait on it]
So I hashtagged #TeamSingle Jess to see how many people hashtag that dumb shit and an alarming hit of 373,831 post came up--mind you this is jess for the profiles that are not private! WHAT do you all be on??

Not to slam ya'll with my religious beliefs but I love the Lord [AMEN] and one Sunday sermon quote comes to mind... the guest pastor said--"what are dogs attracted to..? Dog Food--- To put things in perspective....if you act like a lonely hoe...you might be treated like one! Are you surprised? Think about how you represent yourself...
 1. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are horny and lonely at the same damn time?

2. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are single?! 

3. Do you not understand why #1 & #2 are unacceptable [Jess STOP and think about it] if you still haven't figured it out, wait for it..... Nobody wants a desperate hoe girlfriend or wife... While you may want to be married and have a dreamy tall dark and handsome do you think he wants someone that appears to be thirsty on social networks?! Regardless of all that... how you represent yourselves on these sites matters!

 Men, the same goes for you all; on instagram straight flexing about how women ain't shit? Speaking about how you are so tired of seeing them in the club... But wait if you seeing them in the club WHAT ARE  YOU doing there every weekend... [Jess sayin]. You can't ask  someone to bring quiche to the table and you've only got materials for a grilled cheese...[jess classless] LMAO..I digress, my point keep your expectations at your own level... Bottom line. You are single because, it jess might not be your season. Everyone in relationships aren't doing the greatest either skeletons on skeletons.. Sometimes there is a reason for a single season..or TWO or THREE...maybe you were suppose to accomplish something first..maybe Mr. Right or Mrs. Right has been traveling the world for years, buried themselves in the library, or Incarcerated? [Too Far or Nah?] LOL 

THE POINT: BE EASY SHORTY....YOUR LOVE LIFE IS ON THE WAY! ...To be real though, pray about it.. God hasn't let me down yet... patience, a tough trait that many of us struggle with. I don't want to end by saying stop looking for love because to be honest what does that even mean; but I will say this...Stop trying to make everyone you date "The One"... Again, I'm not relationship guru..I'm Jess Sayin...

Thanks guys for your patience! A BLOG A DAY...For ONE WHOLE WEEK..[WELL 5 DAYS] Hahaha... Until tomorrow LATER!