This Jess isn't Going To work...

Have you ever wondered about that one date that jess didn't make it after a first or second time? Or why you never make it past dating...to actually being in a relationship? Have you ever stopped to think..DAMN, I must be hitting one of those deal breakers. A lot of times when dating it seems that people eliminate themselves without even knowing it! So I asked around jess because I'm curious but ladies and gents..here are some of the ways you maybe eliminating yourself..
Many people gave me the common deal breakers: liars, untrustworthy, no jobs, ugly. ..etc All of the traits we expect! Although, I'm sure some people may not know that they are ugly HA [I'm petty] But there were some clear hilarious deal breakers which I believe are important to share...one that had me laughing until tears was... jess make sure the person has teeth doesn't matter how many jess making sure they have them. Hilarious. Of course the more realistic deal breaker list includes Hygiene. This is such an important deal breaker; if you take a shit...Please throw some water on that ass.. if you have dirty finger nails do not approach someone before cleaning that mess out! Funny enough men ordering a frozen margarita on a first date---is jess a big turn off; it doesn't show masculinity according to some. Speaking of being masculine---does a female ordering Erk & Jerk (E&J) make them a scally? [Jess Wondering]...Another need to know deal breaker, someone that be on that "Carl Thomas" [EMOTIONAL] a woman that whines it makes her seem immature..but a man that whines..goodness a grown ass human upset about some shit that generally isn't that serious...Bye Felicia..! This jess isn't going to work...Yes women want emotion and sensitivity but that is for the purpose of consoling chicks not for your own problems man up! Shit![Jess kidding...hehe] Another deal breaker which I actually can agree with even though it is a bit superficial; someone that doesn't match their fly--take this how you want to...but most people believe it is important that y'all look like y'all "belong" together...You can't be Grade-A filet Mignon trying  date a packof turkey bacon---it jess isn't going to work...If she/he is truly impressed at the .99 cent store...and you never even been inside the .99 cent store it jess isn't going to work!!!

 Finally, a gloray amen shout goes out to this last and final deal breaker:
Someone that can't hold an intelligent conversation; of course you can be silly--but where is your mind at? A degree definitely isn't a plus, I know a lot of dumb ass college educated people, it jess won't work if you are numb to an intelligent thought process... One person told me "I've never been attracted to dumb asses...but it is a lot of them out there..." Shame shame...hold a conversation people! While many like to accuse each other for only wanting sex are you giving this person hints? Dating is like job interviews truly--say the wrong thing and the job isn't yours..[Jess Sayin] Of course I am not saying you can avoid these deal breakers--but take note in your pattern what are you doing/saying and perhaps that is a way to analyze if you are a fudge up!
 People act like deal breakers are negotiable THEY AREN'T... so the next time you are on a date, texting, or on the phone...THINK before you speak. Are you acting like dollar store material when you believe you are Bloomingdale quality? Well act like it then! Keep those breast put away, the stretchy polyester material away for a while..matter of fact, throw that shit away!!! Men, if you work at the gas station--you better be [HGAIC] head gas attendant in charge! A woman is truly not concerned with WHERE you work..it is how you act about where you work... but don't break your pockets of course, jess show her that your job doesn't dictate your dating life style! I swear I'm jess talking from an opinion--i mostly don't know shit. I'm Jess Sayin!!! ;) Day 4!!! One more day!! Until next time!!

Buy These Bitches Some Bottles!

So a couple of weeks ago me and some of my girlfriends were out celebrating a birthday or whatever. We were all there, minding our own fine business enjoying the scenery when a group of guys and a chick come up to OUR section. We all introduce ourselves to the folks we don't know and get the evil look from the chick that was with the group of guys... Of course we didn't give a damn...1.We were chillin' we don't generally worry about the people that we don't know or CARE to know...shorty was a not a factor...
2. We were enjoying our friend's birthday and could REALLY care less who showed up and who didn't and 3. we are jess the type that if you are friendly and warm we will be too! ANYWAY...within this group there was one guy...a short odd ball [who happened to be with the chick]--- he walks up to our table and says "We AIN'T BUY ALL THESE BITCHES BOTTLES!!"ohhh so of course of all the friends I heard it...I am usually a pretty calm person[HA] but I jess don't take peoples shit EVER.... So I politely go up to him and say WATCH your mouth because none of these BITCHES need you to buy a bottle....

Of course Shorty mack turned around and didn't say another word to us all night [GOOD]... But here is my point, what about my group said "WE THIRSTY CAN YOU BUY US SOME LIQUOR?" Secondly, dudes with curls especially light skin men should know curls for the girls is definitely played out [Jess Sayin] so no one was remotely interested and thirdly, he came up to our table...Get the hell off our property.... Now I was actually more bothered by this than I would normally be because I mean, I think I've got a pretty classy set of friends or whatever; but moreover when did buying a bottle get you ANYWHERE but in the poor house with females??

Apparently he was "type rich"...[clears throat] well BITCH we rich too... LMAO yes it is jess that serious. Not only did you insult us by saying what you weren't going to do, you assumed we actually gave a damn about what you COULD do. [life lesson] most chicks that can afford it...ain't worried about whether you can provide it, in fact we wouldn't have been impressed had you bought it anyway..[Jess Sayin]
See the reason why he thought it was okay to even utter those words is because some of you whorenishas have ruined it for the decent chicks out here...Y'all call each other bitches in public and anytime a man drops a dime or spends a little money them goodies hit the floor! Stop giving it up so easy for a bottle of $100 bottle of moet I'm sure the peen you got wasn't even worth to wooden collector nickels! Excuse me men, [Y'all not off the hook either] I'm jess going to ask you nicely STOP messing with the chicks that look like the help! That is like donating your Sunday's Best to a stripper...Its jess stupid and doesn't make much sense to do. Help them help themselves! As a whole y'all gotta stop because these "bitches" didn't need him to buy a bottle; but obviously he was use to dealing with the same type of chick he brought to the club that night... you know the lace front princess leggings and heels type? Yeah those....but wrong group buddy...but as usual I ain't talking about shit...what the hell do I know because I'm Jess Sayin!

Dr Jess Sayin Webesteem Part 2: Delusion

How many times in a day is someone blocking a hater? How many people claim to have one? Have you ever read a post and thought that b***lying ? Lol Well have no fear, let me help you out they probably don't have haters in real life..Dr. Jess Sayin has entered the building and I'm here to tell you all that most people that address their "haters"..probably don't have proof of even having one person that is "hating" on them. I spoke about Web-esteem [Part 1] a couple of months ago, but I wanted to pick it up with a segment of another disease that is related to these decepticons. Jess to refresh your memory although I know y'all read ALL my posts...a decepticon is someone that is unable to understand the difference between reality and perception  many people jess LIE on social networks..BUT ANYWAY..back to your so-called haters... There are No haters! Jess so we are clear, someone you know may be suffering and in turn are delusional! Don't worry..I've got a few sure signs that might help you save a haeux or two from  delusion..

 1. Do you or someone you know constantly "rebuke" haters in your life? "I ain't got time for haters I'm better than that"- Quita... AYE YO QUITAAAA... if you don't have time for your haters, why waste time addressing them? Why must you declare that you are better than the people that "hate" you? [I'm Jess wondering]... If someone is going to dislike you--- wouldn't they jess be up front about it and if not does it truly concern you?? Quita I think you might be a little delusional...[JESS SAYIN]

2. Are you constantly giving these "haters" salutations?? Lil Doobie posts "Hi/Goodnight Haters" *Turns out night light* --Sooo, did your enemy respond? [Jess Wondering]--often people that truly don't like you wouldn't waste energy making themselves known...if you have to say good morning and good night to them perhaps they don't exist...Lil Doobs you might jess be delusional....

3. Are you a constantly reminding us that you don't have time for a hater? Well, if you don't have time for a hater...why do you even know that you have some? If you don't have time for a hater how do you know how much time it takes? LMAO [Jess Sayin] Shawty...if you don't understand the conclusion that I've drawn i believe you jess made need to be seen by Dr Jess Sayin...because you are in fact delusional..

Don't worry your delusional little head, there is always a cure! You ready for it...!?Jess stop convincing yourself that people hate you..[OOOhhh Killem] It is jess that simple. Thank me Later. Seriously though, having a hater is so 1999, we are in 2013 striving for greater things! So next time you see someone with a hashtag or comment about having a hater...refer them to these 4 words. Do. Better. In. 2013. As I always say...I don't know shit...I'm Jess Sayin... A blog a day for a whole week! [5 days] Day 2!--See ya!!!

Jess Stop it...

So I myself am NO relationship expert; however, there are a few things I've observed... Some ..not all "single" folks broadcast the fact that they are single ... but it seems more like a competition? Who can appear to be "most lonely" via social networks. Often times I scroll down my timeline to witness a lot of "what I would do if I had a man/woman posts" and while you may think its enduring or alluring... let me explain that most of us [single, married, dating, indifferent] 1. DON'T care what you would do in a relationship. 2.. Perhaps the infamous black man having sex with a woman with the caption along the lines of "i wish i had this" makes you look like a heaux? or maybe 3. you look desperate ahhh sounds like thirst trap mixed with desperation which makes you... un-dateable; hence #teamLonely #teamsingle ...Lets do better to end 2013 and leave all the cry baby shit to Drake....[Jess wait on it]
So I hashtagged #TeamSingle Jess to see how many people hashtag that dumb shit and an alarming hit of 373,831 post came up--mind you this is jess for the profiles that are not private! WHAT do you all be on??

Not to slam ya'll with my religious beliefs but I love the Lord [AMEN] and one Sunday sermon quote comes to mind... the guest pastor said--"what are dogs attracted to..? Dog Food--- To put things in perspective....if you act like a lonely hoe...you might be treated like one! Are you surprised? Think about how you represent yourself...
 1. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are horny and lonely at the same damn time?

2. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are single?! 

3. Do you not understand why #1 & #2 are unacceptable [Jess STOP and think about it] if you still haven't figured it out, wait for it..... Nobody wants a desperate hoe girlfriend or wife... While you may want to be married and have a dreamy tall dark and handsome do you think he wants someone that appears to be thirsty on social networks?! Regardless of all that... how you represent yourselves on these sites matters!

 Men, the same goes for you all; on instagram straight flexing about how women ain't shit? Speaking about how you are so tired of seeing them in the club... But wait if you seeing them in the club WHAT ARE  YOU doing there every weekend... [Jess sayin]. You can't ask  someone to bring quiche to the table and you've only got materials for a grilled cheese...[jess classless] LMAO..I digress, my point keep your expectations at your own level... Bottom line. You are single because, it jess might not be your season. Everyone in relationships aren't doing the greatest either skeletons on skeletons.. Sometimes there is a reason for a single season..or TWO or THREE...maybe you were suppose to accomplish something first..maybe Mr. Right or Mrs. Right has been traveling the world for years, buried themselves in the library, or Incarcerated? [Too Far or Nah?] LOL 

THE POINT: BE EASY SHORTY....YOUR LOVE LIFE IS ON THE WAY! ...To be real though, pray about it.. God hasn't let me down yet... patience, a tough trait that many of us struggle with. I don't want to end by saying stop looking for love because to be honest what does that even mean; but I will say this...Stop trying to make everyone you date "The One"... Again, I'm not relationship guru..I'm Jess Sayin...

Thanks guys for your patience! A BLOG A DAY...For ONE WHOLE WEEK..[WELL 5 DAYS] Hahaha... Until tomorrow LATER! 

Y'all Jess Too Busy Thirst Trapping

Have you ever fallen victim to the trap...? What trap am I speaking of... the #Thirsttrap!
Now while a lot of you have been seeing me randomly hash tag #thirsttrapping on twitter & pictures. It is all in the name of truth people #thirsttrapping is real! It is another social disease that we all suffer from we are all guilty of #thirsttrapping it is jess another way to put our damn business out there and apparently  SOME of you all claim to do it without realizing its a thirst trap..hmmm [RIGHT..jess keep it real] we are all far far from discrete!  OK jess so we are all on the same page and because everyone isn't as cool as I; many might be wondering what is thirst trapping? OH [U AIN'T KNOW??] It is the ability to fall "in love or like"  with a picture, video, or words that may appear to be tantalizing! They often solicits comments such as: "Damn you fine!" "Girl don't make me..." as well as the emoticons/smiley faces/hearts. Is this you? Damn my friend you have been #thirstrapping.

  For instance, Bon'qui-qui posts a picture of herself with the caption "#NewPillows..." MEANWHILE  Qui-Qui is a nice thick tendoroni--- she jess #thirsttrapped all her followers...whether it was for the "like" or for the comments...She got you! Many won't even read the caption. Half of you won't even realize the post was about "pillows"...Y'all have to be aware
#thirsttrapping is another form of seeking acceptance and attention. Many have fallen victim to #thirsttraps and some times the people performing them like to pretend that it wasn't intentional... NOW QUI-QUI GIRL, you know damn well... WHY you posted this picture..for the attention, folks are really out here demoralizing themselves for a little social media attention...[jess petty]

Now let me not shift all the blame on the person posting the picture, or "model pose" videos; how some of you comment and like are just as much a trap... If Ezel goes through and likes all of baby girl's photos what is he doing?? Trying to get her attention "hey boo"  date me...It's another form of "lemme holla at cha lemme holla holla hollaaaa". By way of "imma like all your photos then inconspicuously put my # on one picture".... Back in the day we didn't have Internet hook up abilities like that-- we had other trap devices [playing It, writing notes--making sure you check yes or no] but in 2013, y'all jess crazy! Believe it or not, some people end up meeting the folks they thirst trap AND apparently hookup?? [Jess nasty]. When someone likes that many of your pictures what do you do? Click on their name and see what they look like and what do we have? Insta-connect [Jess Sayin...]

There are many ways to thirst trap and we ALL fall for the heaven sent body parts.. We are all entertained by a person's perfectly sculpted body.  We can't help it.

BUT Here is the reality people! Many moons ago a people use to say picture a picture is worth a thousand words.. but in 2013 the only thing we promote 1,000 ways is how to: SEX, LIE, and BE RATCHET...All we do is over share... Create insta-lives and then wonder why you have "fans" and "haters"...don't be that person..Whatever happened to art.. Qui-Qui's ass and Ezel's muscles only suggest a few things...and it isn't art [Jess Sayin] To all the Qui-Quis/Ezels of the world...hear me out! I'm jess curious, what are you really selling here...or excuse me..GIVING AWAY? Yet you will continue to hashtag #TeamSingle... you're single because nobody wants to be with someone that everyone has seen. What level of expectation are you providing..if all they need to do is scroll through your pictures on social networks? No one wants someone that appears to be desperate and if no one told you...that is desperation.. keep that ON THE LOW..[Date each other for a while...then get crazy] --haha..Jess kidding...[MAYBE]....But as always I'm not taking about ish....What do I know...I'm Jess Sayin...

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Dr. Jess Sayin:Web-esteem Part 1: The Problem

 Have you ever been out to eat with a group and no one is talking to each other? Everyone has their phones looking down and not paying attention to each other, yet they planned the meal time together? Sadly, it is a common thing amongst these young whipper snappers, it is a cell phone craze we feel we have to stay connected!   Have you ever been in a room with people that are chatting and enjoying each others company and there's one person that is so unengaged and jess dead ass silent? We've all been guilty of laughing at our cell phones before, but this friend jess isn't social EVER---and laughs at no human jokes made...but constantly laughs at things online? We are all guilty of being anti-social at times but when people are out and talking to one another most will usually put the phone away! So lets jess say you hop on twitter for a brief moment to see that "boring bae girl bae Bo-shinka-shay"  or "you aint got no job man Tommy" has a twitter, instagram, and facebook that is POPPIN'...They are tweeting and reporting scene by scene of the event like they are having so much fun:"Girl talk with my girls"(@ShinkaShay_FINEWINE) "Poppin' bottles and the chicks in here is wild" -(@Im_TommyMAN) not only is she quiet the whole time, ain't got no job Tommy hasn't put a wooden nickel for the "bottles" he is tweeting about...[SMH]

 --This...Ladies and Gents is a terrible case of Web-esteem: poppin on social media but losing in real life social skills. Attention! Web-esteem is contagious. It is caught by those who live to please their "followers" or "friends" on social sites. Dr. Jess Sayin' is on the matter, I've been doing research on this people, studying the symptoms of Web-esteem which are very easy to recognize
         Many of us that are in the lab shout out to my group chat, [we] have given you fakers a name: Decepticons! Decepticons are people that  "think" they have mastered being "real" by portraying a certain image on social media. Their mission is to reach the masses and folks that are normally out of their league. Decepticons give the people what they "think" we want to see and by golly goodness---this is what makes them deceptive...Decepticons! Many are wondering, how do we know the truth about these "alleged decepticons" BECAUSE WE KNOW THEM IN REAL LIFE before there was a Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook! [Jess keepin' it real]

Do You Know Someone In Crisis?
Do you know someone that lacks real life social skills? Does this person not interact when in large groups? Are they jess as funny lookin' as their tweets?....Does this person speak in acronyms when they talk ? (LOL, LMAO, LMS, BOL,LBVS,SMH,SMDH,SMMFH)---If you have answered yes or you may think you've caught web-esteem, please--It is time for an intervention: It is a very viral disease get you some real life business as soon as possible so you can then be the person that puts your WHOLE life on the internet [I'm Jess Playin] hahaha.

The Cure: On the next episode of: Jess Sayin: "Dr. Jess, I'm a Decepticon...help!"---Have no fear Jess Sayin' is here!

---Until Next Time.....

I bet a lot of you are like...is this BLOGGER serious? YES. I. AM. Ask anybody, I'm poppin in real life too (toots own horn --toot toot!) But hey, what do I know don't forget to subscribe to the blog----I'm Jess Sayin'!

Live your life: Jess my theory on infidelity

If you are going to cheat on your significant other, why be together? The aged old question that no one can  truly answer. Infidelity, cheating, and creeping; the same word used to define the same action, cheating. Many people think women write and talk about this because we are bitter. No boo boo, I'm Jess giving the people what they've asked for.  Jess read it and agree [or disagree]. Divorce has become too common, no one is afraid to break up anymore.The number 1 reason for divorce is infidelity. Why do we cheat on each other? Not only in boyfriend/girlfriend situations but in marriages, because they haven't "lived" yet. My theory on the matter, if you've never "lived" you are more likely to cheat. Now I'm not saying everyone cheats on their spouse or their boo thangs, but after I sat down to really think about "the why" and asking people what made them ready to settle down the consensus was that they had been there and done that. I also spoke to a married man and he told me :"I lived in the streets, been a hoe, and done all my dirt before settling down"...It really makes a difference. People dip outside of the relationship because they never had the opportunity to "live".

Here is an example, jess take these college sweethearts, while in college they've done everything together. Broke up maybe over something petty while in school but everyone knew they would get married and they did. They have their first child, things were great. Wife gains some weight but snaps right back. Husband is making that cash, things were still great. Well wife is preggo again. Husband gets concerned, wife is getting less attractive and starting to complain more. He goes to work and sees these fine ass temps and other employees, of course it sounds like a lifetime movie right?---but this shit happens in real life! He cheats because he never got it out of his system.The same for the wife, she is working and at home with two damn kids and some of those college interns thinks she is too fine. She cheats too because she never got it out her system either. If both had "lived" prior to getting married, there wouldn't be any thoughts of cheating because they would have gotten it out their system. People always want to talk shit about folks for being in the club and partying, but if you never do that how will you be prepared for the one when it is actually time to settle down? By no means am I saying be 30 in the club but find that balance.

People cheat because they want to. Temptation is real; however, once you meet the person for you, NO ONE can ever distract you!---Jess Sayin
I don't condone the act of cheating, or staying with someone that necessarily KEEPS cheating on you. Giving someone a second and third chance is fair--but think about if you cheated would this person  constantly forgive you? Cheating isn't a fair game. It never will be. When dating, stop asking each other have you cheated before because more than likely YOU HAVE. Secondly, let the person disappoint you first stop asking age old questions about their past after all; you are trying to build something new that you've never done before, so don't worry about what he did to Shinka-Shay. Let Pookie show you something different.
Whether any of you want to admit it or not, you've all had a hoe moment and if you haven't, it is headed to a life near you. If you never got that chance to have "hoe moment" you'll mess around and have that hoe moment when you need to have that husband/wife moment.---I'm not married, I'm Jess Sayin'...The facts are the #1 reason for divorce is infidelity and this is my theory on why it happens since no one else can seem to provide insight...but hey, what do I know....I'm Jess Sayin'!

Jess talking about a little kissin': PDA

How many of you love the sight of a happy couple? From  a mile away you see this couple hand & hand and their body language speaks "we go together", you have fallen in love with them and if they were any closer you might say they were a cute couple, he leans in to kiss his lady and even gives her a nice tap on the ass, while you may not say: "awwww" you continue with your day and may even tweet about "Love being in the air". However, imagine you look to your right and in your sight are two men or two girls that are kissing and ass grabbing! You feel some type of way, so you pull out your phone, cut the flash off, and in 40s you have blasted this couple on Instagram with hella hashtags like #thatsnasty #getaroom. If you didn't physically do it, you may have those thoughts in your head...all because of your preconceived idea of what public displays of affection (PDA) should look like...

Ahh Yes, PDA. according to John Legend: "some jess don't care"... while others  feel that PDA is inappropriate depending on the person partaking in it and how much affection is actually going on. PDA is a topic discussed by many; however, not many discuss whether they dislike it because of WHO is doing it rather than the act. I asked around to get a consensus on why PDA makes people uncomfortable and why sexual preference may influence their level of distaste. My search pretty much taught me a lesson. People that chose to live a homosexual lifestyles shouldn't be categorized based on MY thoughts of how I think PDA affects people, hence my example above. To set it straight, the act of inappropriate and excessive kissing, humping, and groping in public is what sets people off.

I asked some people what type of PDA made them most uncomfortable, many said male on male OR the "Rachet lets F***K right now" type of action. What makes us as a society so uncomfortable with homosexual acts of affection? Is it because we are not use to seeing it? Is it because we are slightly homophobic? Or are some jess not comfortable seeing people of the same orientation liking on each other? One person said two men made them the most uncomfortable not because it was two men but because they were the group that made it the most horrific to watch! "It was such an extra experience too much tongue and grinding"---I'm sayin'...I'm uncomfortable at the thought of this, jess by listening to that it seems weird. Why does PDA have to be soooo Extra? Maybe to show that you really love shay-shay or that you want the world to know, you're not scared to show the world that you will love on your boo anywhere...but would you mind keeping it classy?

I think another issue with PDA is that although the name is PUBLIC folks are out of control...doing it in the wrong places, a restaurant for example, lets jess say hmm for you fanciful folks Golden Corral LMAO---Now you know there is nothing really romantical about this establishment so why on earth is it necessary to tongue down your partner over all-you-can-eat steak? No need to harass his or her booty cheeks while waiting in the chocolate fountain line...and most importantly there are children around for goodness sake!Would you want your child taking those behaviors to recess? [Think about who watches you--even those that don't know you] Now a more sensible place could be the movies--dark yet the person behind you still sees the peck--HOWEVER, no need to have others around you missing scenes from a movie because you all are trying to create a part 2 and adding a whole new soundtrack!---it is jess rude. A nice steak house or fanciful restaurant might put you in the mood to salute your loved one...but keep it classy---I'm Jess Sayin!

Surprisingly, by one of my reader's I was described as a hater: "I'm not offended by any type of PDA but you sound like a hater, why does it matter to you what someone else is doing at their table?" WELL SHUT ME UP THEN OTIS! HMP [HE TOLD ME] I don't think of it as hating, I think of it as rude I'm trying to enjoy my all-you-can-eat experience and you over here given Shaquille Sunflower a preview to y'all desert menu! Here is a thought, say it is a first date, if they will tongue you down how many others will they be willing to do it to?--HERP is real... I'm Jess Sayin

Some of you may wonder why I thought to ask people their opinion on homosexual PDA. 1. Because I Can. 2. Because I ask and talk about the shit a lot of your asses think, and  3. I'm comfortable in my sexuality and I can ask questions about another's preference because that is what curious people do! [YEAH I JESS CHECKED ALL YOU HATERS] [POW]
I did learn from this experience, public displays of affection  no matter WHO is doing it, can make someone uncomfortable; it isn't because someone is gay that it makes it more wack than HOW it is being done. Some people that I asked do have an opinion about homosexuality because of religion, psych, or personal opinions of what something is suppose to look like and everyone is entitled to their own ideas about it. I jess so happen to have learned a lesson today: it isn't WHO is doing it, it is HOW you do it and fortunately for some, they will never get it because of their own personal limitations..but hey what do I know---I'm Jess Sayin'

Y'all Jess Lazy Dating

  Ladies, what is the first thing you think of when a man asks you to come chill at his crib? Be honest, depending on how you all met and what your relationship is you could think he jess wants to smash! What if he hits you up saying "Lets hang out at my crib" do you consider that a date? I've come up with this theory that the dating scene is lazy: men are lazy daters and their dating "initiatives" lack luster and women have jess allowed men to do whatever they want. Not only is there a lack of creativity; there is a lack for actual DOING something besides DOING each other.[Jess callin' it how I see it!] I surveyed the masses in a quick text-search (text research) and got the opinions of men and women on what "hanging out" and "chilling" can mean; followed by their  purpose of the "chill/hang out". I asked everyone the same open ended question: "Is "hanging out or come over to chill" considered a date". I intentionally left it open ended to give people room to answer freely.

The responses I got from most were "it depends on the situation"--others felt strongly that neither can count as a date. Today's dating scene has become the "lets chill nation" and that is lazy. One of my participants said, she can "hang out" with her friends and if you want to "chill" your probably after some of her goodie pot. She feels like a man should spend some cash--not because she is a gold digger but because she is looking for certain traits: is he cheap, is he creative, how thoughtful was he with their date agenda?

Some of the gentlemen I asked did feel that hanging out at their place could qualify as a date, if done right. "If I cook her dinner, we watch movies, and drink wine...then that is a date"--I agree if the ambiance is perfect and I feel like I'm at Chataeu de la Pookie's then YES this qualifies as a date. BUT if you got the struggle paper goods out, you didn't clean up, or your not "playing" the role---that unfortunately is a date too its jess a HELL DATE [LOL]  But seriously, if you jess call La-Quinta up and say hey sexy come over I'm trying to chill---what is she suppose to think? Granted, some of you ladies need to be less loose with the snatch and more vocal and clear about what you want. --I'm Jess sayin! Its simple, find out what the chill plan is--before you get over there and get all offended when he is trying to grab some of your sweet pot.

Most of the women that participated in the "text search" agreed that by taking them out, they feel like you actually took the time to think about what they were gonna do on the date. A lot of them thought it is wack to keep inviting them over to the crib to jess chill.Others did think chilling was acceptable after maybe 3-4 public dates. By then you would've probably had multiple phone & text interaction and been out in public with one another more than a few times. Now what happens at the chill is up to you and  The Lord.[HE SEES ALL]--Amen?

 Now, some women set their standards too low. Stop saying everything is a date when it isn't.  Have some say so about yourself, jess because he buys you some buttery popcorn and a ice cold strawberry pop doesn't mean y'all on a date boo boo. Stimulate his mind, have him thinking Damn La-Quinta is different.If you are jess like any other chick why would he want to date you; and vice versa if your jess like her ex Ray-Ray why would she want to date you? Lastly, many claimed based on the person can determines their intentions---a lot of times you don't THINK your going to have sex at the chill but if it happens your OK with that too...Apparently this concept is brought to you by adulthood. [Oh wee..no comment]

My personal opinion. Dating is weird. It takes the right person to make the "hanging/chilling" special; however, that comes with time, as you guys read from my hell date post---GOTS to be mo careful out here because some folks are messed up in the head. I also believe that you have to "earn" the right to sit up in my face and sometimes the "lets chill" comes too early--let me clarify what I mean when I say "earn" the right (NO OLIVIA POPE syndrome here) I mean respect that I like to be treated a certain type of way, then make your way into my "face" by showing me we don't have to sit up in the house watching cable and eating up groceries! I'm Jess Sayin, I can eat and watch my own damn TV by myself, to have someone there too is nice BUT don't get it twisted it isn't a necessity.Dating can be tricky; overall, as I usually say do what makes you happy--jess stop saying "He/She ain't shit" on your facebook, instagram, whats app status, youtube, vevo, twitter, make a whole pic-stitch  when you have been properly warned of "ain't shit" signs. Chilling at his crib is not a first, second, or third date and hanging out (depending on your interruption) is a date. I don't know too much about nothing..but ---I'm Jess Sayin'.

Interracial Dating: I'm Jess Sayin!

I know most of you all are over the topic of interracial dating...well TOO bad because I've got to add my 3 cents! So I know someone that married a white man, I have a few amigos that date outside their race, (majority white men), and I have a few homeboys that date and married women outside of their race. I also know a few that have become Latin lovers; and while I think Heidi Klum and Seal were bout the UGLIEST couple---it isn't because he black and she is white it is mainly

because that man is MUG...I jess find him to be incredibly unattractive...I could care less of the fact that they are different races. Anyway, all and all in 2013, y'all will date anybody and there is nothing wrong with that....

Now, before you think I'm gonna go on some "black empowerment tour" slow your roll...I don't have an issue with who people date. I honestly don't give a shit LOL Don't get it twisted, I'm not the type to think you should only date within your race; afterall, a man can be crazy as brown, white, pink, or purple...and so can a woman.
However, I do think dating outside your race does change the "WAY" you treat people of your same race. I'm only speaking from my interactions...

For example, Beth..she's black and she married a white man and to say the least she is kept very well. Beth works every day and she isn't a stay at home mom, but if she wanted to be she could be. Super cool person, but sometimes when we talk she always wants to discuss "sista" things like "oh girl where did you buy your weave from, it never looks fake" or Oh I need another sista around who understands my nappy roots type deal... And while we cool or whatever, I feel like she is over compensating because she married a white man---I'm Jess Sayin I didn't know her as a single person, but without me even asking she voluntarily said that she started dating white men because "brothas" weren't doing here right. ---Firstly, the whole "brotha" & "sista" slang is so played out I get frustrated no one talks like that anymore or at least not in real life. Secondly, people always voluntarily give info when they think your curious about their life decision. I could care less, of why you date billy bob as long as he's not calling you "the n-bomb" or disrespecting you as a woman--it is all good. Beth, although she is black--tries to "defend" her race by attempting to portray she didn't "sell out"--As crazy as men are, how dare anyone be worried about a "sell out"--I'm Jess Sayin' we've got bigger problems!

I also know a black man who dated black women...then decided to date women of other races. He claims he began dating these girls for a few reasons. 1. He found them attractive. 2. The black women he encountered   jess weren't that poppin. He says the girls he dated; their race did not dictate their attitudes, they give jess as much attitude, bossiness, and sass as any black woman can give.

Of course the stereotype that black men like to date women of other races to control them and to be cared for by them but this guy didn't feel that way. He really says he Jess happened to be attracted to a woman that wasn't black . Although he says his attitude toward black women isn't different, he mentioned how he gets more attention from white women. So my thought is this, are you asserting yourself enough to be noticed by black women or is it jess a personal preference to do what is comfortable? Seriously! If I was a guy and all the ladies was jockin' J-mack (because that is clearly what my man name would be) I'd stick to what I know..Easy play. No hard work. Still score! --I'm Jess Sayin!

I also have a friend that only dates Latino women, Cletus. He says he prefers to date Latin girls because they are "more understanding", he jess thinks they are "so sexy", and they usually come from two parent households  which he believes makes them are easier to talk to.--But from reality TV [I KNOW RATCHET EXAMPLES, SO!]..my favorite station VH1 to be exact got the latino shawty, Erica Mena acting a hot cray mess and from what I have heard about Latino women is: they will treat you good--but if you do them wrong they go American Psycho on your ass...[YIKES Be careful cletus]-- I know all women are crazy---I'm Jess Sayin'

My personal opinion is this when you date outside your race--whether you'd like to admit it or not, there is a tiny bit of insecurity followed by compensation. Also, some date outside their race because it is easier. Men say women are hard to understand and African American women are harder and that sterotype is so damn old, I really wish y'all would find something else to say about us...LOL--I'm not hating I'm Jess Sayin'. Whatever you are into, short, tall, fat, skinty, black, white, asian, mexican, bi-polar, hyper, happy, or sad. Do your thing...This love thing isn't an easy road. Do your thing, .and Jess do it for love!

I'm Jess Curious...

 

I'm Jess Curious....Why is it that both men and women talk trash about each other once all the loving is over with? This goes for people that were in serious relationships to those that were Jess kicking it. I'll tell you why, it is the act of not keeping it real, it is viral and I'm telling you that it has got to stop. To be honest, it is quite hilarious at some of the things I run across Jess scrolling on Facebook and Twitter.I was on Facebook minding my own Facebook business and ran across a status that said ""B****your P[secret place] stank anyway"--now the question I have for this young man is WELL, WHY DID YOU sleep with the stank box then? Being bitter is not cute, no matter how upset smelly shelly made you! In efforts to make her look bad you yourself Mr, have made yourself look like a fool! --I'm Jess Sayin' If she had spoiled cookies before you still decided to sleep with her and it is only now that you decide to put her on blast. WHO becomes the biggest loser? He LOST. No matter how you want to play the chick, you smashed smelly shakeykey--I'm Jess Curious why telling Facebook she smells helps your character, you clearly don't value your goods enough so you should of exited stage left or told her! [KEEP CALM AND TELL HER SHE IS FOUL]

Ladies, y'all do it to.. I was watching Love and Hip Hop New York's most recent reunion show and the red-headed chile, Rashidah Ali [pictured to the left] says Mendecee (another Cast member, Yandy's Fiance) has a little penis. Baby girl, YOU STILL ENGAGED in activities with the little pen pen...So if it were small upon review WHY did you decide to follow thru and for lack of better words "waste a number"? Who in the end wins, not you so why blast Mendecee? ---I'm Jess Curious, because you clearly slept with him multiple times so don't get on television and act like you have an issue with small penis now! Rashidah  claimed proudly that the two of them dated. She made it very clear that he wasn't someone she Jess slept with. But now that it is over what perfect timing to insult this man's secret package?? Nahh...Get it together he wins you lose-I'm Jess Sayin'
 and I'm Jess Curious why keeping it real with yourself is so hard. Don't be bitter now. If you were truly dissatisfied in the small penis presentation jess politely get a headache or a stomach ache or low sugar count say SOMETHING and bounce on his ass. Don't have sex. Waste your time or most importantly boo boo sweat out your RED $1,000 a bundle weave. Because at the end of the day. HE SMASHED. SO HE WINS.--I'm Jess Sayin'

Another person that irritates me  with his lame ass is Ray J. His new single "I hit it first" is trash, but furthermore, are you proud of your accomplishment with that boring ass sex tape that made Kim K. RICHER THAN YOU!!!??? LOL Silly Rabbit tricks are for kids..You put a chick on the map, so now because Kim K's unborn chile is gonna be richer than you will ever be you mad? Don't. Be. Bitter! Everyone knows she is easier than ramen in the microwave ---So like what? Did you want props for "hitting it first"...If you were smart you would of made that slime box sign a contract. Now Kim K Jess out here making money, while you google her on TMZ and make rap songs about someone that dated you a trillion years ago...CLASSY..
       Keep it real y'all. I'm Jess Curious how "Putting someone on blast" isn't putting yourself on blast first! Don't be the person that talks trash about someone you use to smash or date. You end up looking crazy. Being bitter about a situation doesn't make you over it. Because clearly, RJ silly behind doesn't know how to let go. Speaking ill of a va-jay-jay or pen pen may not be beneficial for either of them but in the end, if you still hit it you look worse because you were warned on contact and still decided to "hit it anyway". Don't be surprised if I drop a mix tape entitled: "You hit it anyway", if RJ can do it, I most definitely got them bars---I'm Jess Sayin! LOL

But...Its Jess A Title..Right?

 What would you do..?

Lets Jess say you met a FIONE ass man/woman... everything you ever thought you wanted, but there is Jess one big problem, the person is married! Wait wait let me finish, I mean legally married but lives as a single person OR has moved out and is filing the necessary paperwork. Kanye  West and Kim K. for example, [The famous chick all because she made a boring ass sex-tape with "rapper" Ray J.] & then dated Reggie Bush, then married Chris Humphries and now prego patty by Kanye...Yeah ya'll forgot she was LEGALLY married  and I guess you all forgot that that may be one of the reasons Yeezy hasn't put a ring on it...HE CAN'T! HA...Anyway,

yes, pregnant by Kanye AND legally married to Chris Humphries, now I'm not throwing shade because I personally don't care what this chick does, [I don't respect her millions] but as I was speaking to someone I met to be named "Keisha" who was having mixed feelings about potentially dating  a man that is legally married. Now I asked a few of you on twitter [@ImJess_sayinso] and it is clear that some of you 1. Have never had to deal with this situation; therefore you speaking off the "what you wouldn't do". 2. Those that did say Yes to dating a married person, were a bit more optimistic to saying yes if they could be shown paperwork. Or 3.Simply, Jess wait until the divorce is final.

--Maybe if Yeezy would of waited to hit them buns the two might not have something cooking in that used easy baked oven --I'm Jess Sayin!

 So back to Keisha, when she met this guy he did admit he was married but that he wasn't happy. As she should she told him she wasn't interested, not even to be his friend because  we all know what that can lead to if they are attracted to one another. Keisha didn't want to be a home-wrecker and she admits she doesn't have any respect for those type of girls. So, a year later they bumped into each other and he was filing for divorce, reluctantly she gave him her number and they began to communicate--not frequently but enough for her and after much back and forth she agreed to go out with him. Keisha often felt some type of way about their hangouts, so again..she kind of cut him off. Well..long story short, he showed her the processing divorce papers. With that also came the "wait for me so we can be together" talk, she is very hesitant to wait Jess because she doesn't want to wait on a man that may decide to reverse the divorce or finalize his divorce and decide he doesn't want to be with her either. ---Rough situation but does this make her a home-wrecking heaux? No,I don't think so, they aren't involved sexually,  he doesn't live with his wife, he simply courts her and makes her feel special,  and keeps her in the loop on his whole process of separation. What makes this different from the KIM-YE situation?--I'm Jess Sayin! The definition of a home-wrecker is someone that is intentionally trying to destroy a home, ol' boy is leaving willingly.

So, because most of you said you wouldn't date someone that was legally married under any circumstance, I went old school on y'all. Clearly this issue is slightly rare for someone under 30. [Sorry--I'm Jess Keeping it Real]... So I went back to a couple that dated while he was filing for divorce. Well, she stuck it out the whole time --she dealt with the harassing ex- wife to his children hating her. To then finalize the divorce, date for a little while longer then break up because he didn't have time for a relationship. Was 'old school' a rebound? Was she there to keep his dose of Viagra regular [I'm Jess Sayin] and was their breakup inevitable? Old School started as the mistress, it is cloudy whether he was unhappy prior or whether she wrecked shop; however the circumstance--They didn't last, I think the break up Jess happened because they needed to break up, most believe its because she was his rebound once he was legally 'unchained' he could do what he wanted--so why be with someone you don't have to be with?--[When dating a married man goes wrong]

So what if the person is legally married yet separated? Both have a significant other; but neither have filed for divorce. One person shared how they dated for seven years and every year there was an excuse for why the divorce papers weren't filed. To the point of where that ended up the relationship. Their goals were different, one person wanted to be married and well since Polygamy is kind of illegal it wasn't going to happen.--So don't Jess trust everyone, Jess wait for the proof.

No one is perfect, and oddly enough they say you can't help who you fall in love with. I'm sure most of you can agree with me on that. Some meet online, some meet through a friend. Some meet Christians and they are catholic....& clearly some meet married and they are single. Let me get this straight though..there is a difference between dating a married person who has no intentions of divorce, that my friends is a home-wreck [NOT Jess Sayin approved]
However, agree with me or not, I do believe that there is an exception to that rule. Dating someone that is in the process of divorce but is legally married is OK [IF that is what you want to do]. I'm sure that it isn't easy especially if their spouse is crazy or doesn't want to divorce. Sometimes there are kids involved, alimony [which then breaks into their pockets MONTHLY]--So Jess be careful dating someone that is married. As long as it is done in good clear conscious, live your life honey boo boo. It definitely isn't for everybody but I'm sure it comes with its fair share of drama and judgement but, that will be your problem to solve!---Jess make wise decisions, don't block your blessings because he/she is FIONE and don't forget about that tornado of a chick Karma--Because She don't play! [OK] --I'm Jess Sayin!

Hell Date...

So I was thinking the other day-- about the show 'Hell Date', it use to come on BET and funny enough, while that was a prank reality dating show, there are people that go on real life dates from hell. It got me to thinking, I wonder how many people have been on hell dates. I have and to your surprise, as Jess Sayin, I will share my Hell Date! Was I alone in this matter? HECK NO

One friend back in college shared her hell date  it happened over a movie/ first time spending the night at his house. [First sign] He admitted to having no coins, there is nothing wrong with funds being low--but if you don't know the person well enough you shouldn't share your bank account problems.[Second sign] she agreed to spend the night and all that but when she got to his house she was welcomed by a mattress no sheets. She admitted it was strange but she didn't want to judge his situation. [Third sign] WELL, she asked for cover and was blanketed with his daughter's coat!?? [OH LORD JESUS ITS A FIRE!!!!]--MAN DOWN CLETIS! No sheets no cover, just a toddlers jacket. Needless to say, their communication from that point on was..uh slim. She learned: 1. You should go out on actual dates in public places It doesn't have to be expensive, she added Jess know him well enough before you try to spend the night at a guy's house Jess because they ask you to.
Another friend had a very similar incident where she went over a guy's house for movie night, and unfortunately  she was introduced to the "real him",he had dirty clothes everywhere; his couch smelled like cat pee and there were roaches crawling around! [Jess don't do bugs UGH]--so she made up an excuse to go home and she never heard from him again. Dang he didn't even clean up for company?! That is Jess rude, so if he didn't even have the decency to PRETEND to be clean; you already know he couldn't possibly have a clean body! She also learned an important cardinal rule "cleanliness is next to Godliness" [Amen] you never know how dirty a person is, don't do a movie night at their home as a first date. Mess around and end up on Hell Date.

Now we've all had the chronic "He is texting while we out", "Talking too much about themselves" date. But never have I ever heard of someone paying for a date they didn't know they were paying for! [HUH?]
This guy stole his date's credit card to pay for  their dinner date. She didn't find out until the next morning, checking her statement her account balance was negative. [See the way her acocunt was set up..LOL ] I digress... anyway, she confronted him and he denied it. However the situation went, she told me he ended up saying he would give her the money back. Well, babygirl went to get that young pocketbook and before she came back downstairs hunny chile, he dipped off. Now if that is not trif-life I don't know what is! Stealing your date's card? Wining and dining on her own coins?--Bruh ya wrong, she learned to never trust a guy well enough to leave your purse or anything else important for that matter! Clearly he  was scam artist, I wonder what he is up to now? Probably in someone's federal prison...I'm Jess Sayin'

Many other dating experiences consist of folks being too boring, quiet or stand-offish then asking to hang out again..and you are like what? LOL Or there is a such thing as giving me too much of yourself....
Now, I don't talk about my personal dating history or disclose others on my blog, but my hell date is the exception, time to expose the dirty bum. So a few years ago I went out with this older guy. [First sign]  we met in the club. We actually didn't talk the first time we exchanged numbers it wasn't until we ran into each other at another club [Second sign] that we actually talked and made plans to go out. The day of the date, all he talked about was how he was gonna "show me how a lady is suppose to be treated" blah blah blah I was slightly annoyed with his arrogance but I was like Ok whatever. So the date was suppose to be simple, dinner and a movie. Met him at his house, hop in his car and  I'm thinking man he looks old so I ask--can't remember the age difference I Jess remember saying in my mind "YUP this is going to be the first and last date"...Anyway we go to the show and while we wait, he is telling me how beautiful i am etc. all the glits and glam of compliments I am mildly uncomfortable [Third sign] but I'm like OK whatever its Jess compliments. We leave the movies and head to this lounge. While in the lounge again the compliments come, this time along with the insults about how I'm so uptight, I'm too young to be so uptight blah blah blah. It was like he was challenging me, but in a way that I didn't like, so I snapped and was like I'm ready to go. Before we leave he leans in and says "I wanna taste it" I WAS MORTIFIED not only are you 1,000 years old you really think this date is going ok??? NO SIR NO MA'AM. So we get in his car and he is looking all glazed like he is drunk--we only had one drink. He is again telling me I'm beautiful all while like fidgeting in his seat and I'm like what is your problem? WELL Grandpop pulls out his PENIS and begins playing with himself. I  could not believe it, I was not only scared out of my mind I was pissed! After yelling "Oh my God, put your Penis up" countless times he finally does. My phone was dead. I was downtown Chicago. In his car. I did make it home safely that night. Thank God. However, I learned a few very valuable lessons. 1. If you have a bad feeling about a date, cancel that shit. I had signs before even leaving my home that he was a creep ass. 2. Always tell someone where you are going, its not about someone being in your business its about being safe out here. 3. I should of got my ass out of his car and just called someone to pick me up from the lounge. 4. Drive yourself to the damn date, while it is chivalrous--i could of been raped or anything worse! [Also, while some of you haters probably thinking I led him on or whatever, I don't wear revealing clothes on dates..Jess for the simple fact I want to see what the guy would be about. So no, the twins were up and I wasn't batting no fake eyelashes for attention either honey boo boo--BOOM HELLO! ]

So I'm Jess Sayin, don't be thirsty to date. It is never that serious. Curiosity can kill the cat. It is a very dangerous world out here. Use common sense. Although I am sure most of you laughed at this story as I do now, the shit sure wasn't funny then! Don't ignore them instincts or you'll end up on hell date without the devil dressed midget jumping out on the scene, it will become your reality!--I'm Jess Sayin'

Jess A Little More Than Love & Affection....

So I am sure you all have heard the Future & Rihanna song "Love & Affection" and while many of you may think this is all you need to survive. I'm here to tell you, it takes a little bit more than "loveeee" for the long term relationships and marriage. So most of my research begins as a conversation that I usually Jess have with friends and family.
This particular subject came about from several conversations. It was all over the place, Love! Support! Sex! Money! Relationships! Time! My final research ended up wondering, what are the top three things that ruin relationships; I asked random people via twitter [@im_jesssayinso], on the phone, and just asking co-workers.
I discovered that the top three deal breakers in maintaining a successful relationships are support, trust, and coins [For those of you confused by Jess lingo--I mean money]. Yes people! Support, majority said that the lack of support in their relationship would have them checking out. In second came trust--giving the middle finger to the dishonest, and lastly, Money--those that are tired of cashing out on Tyrone or Tyreka!

 So what about support is a deal breaker in a
relationship? It is simple, Jess support the goals and dreams of your partner! If your boo wants to be an Olympic juggler sign him/her up for that competition! One of my fav. home girls said "You need someone to be your cheerleader and he definitely wasn't"! There is nothing worse than the phrase "I expect these things from you"..NO I expect YOU to support me and from THAT achievement you can express your expectation! [SNAPS and does an urban eye roll] Jess so it is clear, I don't always seek advice from women I ask men too and one of the married men I interviewed said that  trust and money can come and go; however, as long as you support each other you will find everything else that you need. So while I love the little ratchet love songs, I definitely agree...it takes a little more than that to keep the REALationship...On that note, one of my friends said something very interesting "Support is something you don't notice until you don't have it"--very true. Having support from your boo thang makes you feel valued and appreciated! Your excited to give that person updates on new developments with your goals and aspirations! No one wants to feel like their news isn't important.




Now, about this trust thing, I'm pretty sure you all expect me to go OFF about this huh? Because I am a woman?  I'm probably angry? NOPE. Everyone no matter who or how you've been done in life has a trust issue. It really Jess comes down to how one handles trusting their partner. The main response I got was Men Lie and Women Lie;[DUH YO Gotti already said that LOL] however, the most important aspect of trust is how does one recover--many answered "Hell I haven't  recovered I'm still single" while some believe in the "innocent until proven guilty"verdict but once they are "crossed" it is game over for that individual. Some people even admit to holding back until they think the person may be worth it. Which in one person's opinion, she realized that holding back can be detrimental and that being open is good. Beginning any situation whether romantic or a friendship without skepticism is best. 

My last deal breaker in this post is about the coins. Now, lets be clear, money does not create happiness in fact "Mo money mo problems" and until I know what it is like to be rich in life--I'll go ahead and agree that money can't fix everything. HOWEVER, NO ONE wants a broke BAE.. But it isn't so much that the person doesn't have money, it could be about how they act with or without money. I also went to a couple different websites and from family- friend evaluation money and financial status is one of the top ten reasons couples divorce. I was wildly shocked at the response, one  relationship really ended over money. One young lady felt like she was being taken advantage of, dating while young and loaning money to her honey boo thang became an issue. He was still in school and she thought, he obviously needs it--well he took advantage of her kindness and turned it into the classic judge Judy case "Well your honor, I thought it was a gift"--shame shame shame on any person that tries to manipulate anyone that held out a lending hand during your time of need. SMH Let us not forget KARMA, we all know she is real.--I'm Jess Sayin.

So, while you Jam to "Love & Affection" and "Your All I Need To Get By" by the Soul Queen Aretha Franklin [Yea.. I Jess went old skool on y'all] Remember... without support, trust, and a clear understanding of coins--- y'all might be singing Bye Bye Baby By Nas... -I'm Jess Sayin...

Twas' The Season: Jess To Cuff Part II

 OK so I was asked to do a cuff season part II...

Well I went to all my married/long term relationship friends & family; surprisingly a lot of you all said the same thing [Well that's CUTE or whatever] LOL... So in my last post I went with the concept of trying not to get "fired"...but I didn't really give you guys any insight on how to stay together. Well here you have it... from those that have been together for 7 months to 10 years.. A difference of opinion yet--when it all comes down to it, you all pretty much said the same things. Three key ingredients: Communication, Space, and Sex.

I'm also a sucker for the sappy TRUE stories...I'm Jess Sayin love is rare but it does exist.Y'all want to stay together huh & how to stay keep it going after the honeymoon stage is over? Ok...

"I knew the honeymoon was over and she was comfortable when she farted...Girls really fart"--[That's real] HA ! A couple that has been married for almost 4 years and college sweethearts, gave me their "secret". He says the two are committed to a date night once a week. Two out of the four weeks, they have to go somewhere. One time out the four weeks his wife has to choose a place and the other he has the responsibility of picking the place. --it sounds like it's about placing equal responsibility to keep the relationship spicy.

Another interesting perspective from a guy's point of view which I agree with was applying cuffing rules to the summer... " I think where people go wrong post cuffing season is applying cuffing season rules to the summer" [BINGO] ... Did y'all just have the same AH HA moment I did when he told me that. Let me break it down for you guys. [Which is what he did] In the winter, it is more of the expectation that you will see, talk, and spend significantly more time with your boo-thang because it is cold! [Ain't nobody got time for that] folks are less likely to go out during the winter months Jess because it takes up too much energy! However, when it is hot outside [YEAHH I GOT TIME FOR THAT]. He suggested doing things that you all had discussed doing when the weather breaks; trying the new outdoor restaurant or concerts! His most important tip was giving your spouse some damn space! Find you a life and take advantage of your free time..."when you all come together, make it special".

Now of course I had to get some tips from some happily "forever cuffed" women because it is up to us to make men happy AND lets be real you have to attempt to keep him faithful and loyal to you honey boo boo. All women I asked agreed ..space is needed, but when he comes home from guys night or whatever you've got to turn it up in the bedroom. It is important to keep the love life spicy--don't be a "time out, I'm tired" chick ALL the time. Be creative. As one woman said: "freak in the seats...women in the streets" [Yeah Yeah Cliche' but it is true]... Now I know you ladies may think I am crazy but cook sometimes.. [YEAH..COOK] No easy mac or frozen chicken nuggets... no struggle paper plates and yeah it is about to be summer time but get creative and do better than you did in the winter time...

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 MATTER OF FACT--Here is a tip, sign up for groupon right now if you are in Chicago, they offering cooking classes for two... A nice date idea [YOUR WELCOME]... Furthermore, Shakida, Man-Man doesn't have to pay for EVERY SINGLE DATE.. be spontaneous, let him think he is going to pay then YOU pay and actually DO IT. NO man wants a woman that doesn't take any initiative on anything.  --Jess Sayin' find a balance in acting too independent and dependent on your boo thang.. That is another way to get fired cuffing season or NOT... Let me Jess say this, it isn't always about being able to cook, clean, and give up the cakes whenever you are asked...Man or woman, we all need to have that ego stroked from time to time, have you motivated him lately? Has he motivated you lately? What about your boo thang makes them qualified to stick around for more than a few month? If you have an intelligent answer, you are probably safe from termination THIS quarter...but don't be fooled you are always up for reevaluation. The bottom line, in order to keep your place in that person's life--you both have to play your part: chill when necessary and love in this club when  necessary--there will be plenty of time to cuddle...it is too hot for all that...--I'm Jess Sayin

Jess Clarifying...

So while preparing this, I got a tweet from someone with the alias "wise one", he says ... Cuffing season isn't officially over until memorial day; according to him you have Easter to Memorial day to deal with the cuffing baggage in addition to "going HAM" in the gym Oh..Thanks for that. Welp, now that we've  cleared  that up...
Carry on and keep your significant other happy with a few basic principles or clean up that baggage per the "wise one"....