Its The Year Of The Side Chicks: Y'all Jess Might Be Winning!

Whats poppin y'all!!!! Happy New Year and all that other jazz! Took some time off [yeah I know I ain't shit] Get over it but... I'M BACK! Anyway, y'all been acting a fool since my last post, I've been observing and man you all have given me more to write about than I can ever imagine! I'm jess sayin y'all been cutting up especially you side chicks! I mean the entitlement is real, you all went from being a well-kept secret to entertaining the fact that you are legitimately okay with being someone's side dish instead of the 4-course meal and to me chile that is jess crazy! I'm mean you side hussies been going hard in 2013 and have continued in 2014--y'all jess might be winning!!! Now the side chick contamination isn't new, there are plenty of old heauxs; but now that we have Ratchet Monday Love and Hip Hop, Mary Jane Tuesdays, and lastly the all mighty Scandalous Thursdays you heauxs have really been given LIFE! [SMH] Y'all jess parade around as if it is normal to be the work ford pick up truck instead of the luxury e-class Benz! However, I'm going to have to give it to y'all you scally muffins are winning! [Yasss *Does A Weave Pat*] .....at least on TV you are so let me ask you this; how was the side chick Thanksgiving, side chick Christmas, or side chick New Years? What did king bae bring you? [AW] Did your resolutions involve "Being so done with him"? [Yeah...I bet]...

As much as I hate to admit it, I must give the TV side chicks a [fake] round of applause. Love and Hip Hop got side chicks becoming side wives..Mary Jane got him proposing before he is even divorced and Ms. Pope is getting houses in Vermont from the President! While this is reality television many of you somehow believe that your suitor will be leaving his committed situation because it happens on TV; but again I ask you Shinkneesha how was your holidays with the bae? Don't worry I'll jess wait right here for your story! [RIGHT] NOW...Back to the wayward  "winners" of 2014, don't ever think for a moment that jess because you get dinner, movies, side chicks gifts, a little quality time, and because you possibly spend the night that he is going to leave his life to be with you. The most bizarre aspect of the situation is some of you are FAITHFUL side hoes to these men because you believe he will one day leave his situation for you. [Jess Silly] NEWS FLASH...nobody leaves a California King bed to go sleep in a Twin Sized bed permanently it jess doesn't happen and if it does it probably doesn't last long.

Now I love me some Mary Jane Olivia Pope acting--but these women don't exist in this shit we call real ass life and if they do they are low key and paid well to be quiet mistresses, I don't condone the side chick life LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN I don't condone the side chick life but if you are going to do it--don't do it for a date at TGIFridays and a pair of Aldo Platform nude pumps I'm Jess Sayin, you're worth more or maybe not...!
 Olivia Pope is sleeping with the president for crying out loud y'all heauxs be sleeping with BoodaMane of Get Money ENT this is NOT the same thing hunny boo boo child! You are losing!!! What is the purpose of the side chick movement, so you can remove the hashtag #Teamsingle  and replace it with #Itakeyourman on your social media profiles? Hunny I'm sure he isn't even worth it. In fact, I can guarantee he isn't worth it. No sex can be that amazing that you can't let it go...LET IT GO..that male body part does not even belong to you! We get so wrapped up in social media that we tend to forget that you can't really use Mary Jane as an explanation of why you decided to be a real life hoe. Nor can you use celebrities and their "announced drama" as legit leverage that it is Okay either. You are not dating Ludacris or Dwayne Wade--and even then we don't know the whole story.. Lastly, think about this is the man even worth it? Most men, that are about that commitment life don't have time for your leather leggings and faux eyelashes... their jess isn't enough time in their life. Most men don't even have enough time to please the one woman they have so why in the world would they want more than one??
Y'all also tend to forget about that B-word Karma...ever met her..yeah I heard she plays no games...Jess keep on tryna make it to the side chick Winter Olympics I'm sure you all will meet... Jess keep playing yourself...

[Jess Sayin Disclaimer]

  NOW before someone tries to go all "devils advocate" on me.. Men, no they are not off the hook--but this post isn't for them, its about the women that don't have enough self control to tell these involved dudes no...and it is jess that simple. They will have their day in Jess Sayin Court but until then, please don't get all in your feelings and come for me Jess let me rock!

But again, I don't know much.... I'm Jess Sayin!
 

This Jess isn't Going To work...

Have you ever wondered about that one date that jess didn't make it after a first or second time? Or why you never make it past dating...to actually being in a relationship? Have you ever stopped to think..DAMN, I must be hitting one of those deal breakers. A lot of times when dating it seems that people eliminate themselves without even knowing it! So I asked around jess because I'm curious but ladies and gents..here are some of the ways you maybe eliminating yourself..
Many people gave me the common deal breakers: liars, untrustworthy, no jobs, ugly. ..etc All of the traits we expect! Although, I'm sure some people may not know that they are ugly HA [I'm petty] But there were some clear hilarious deal breakers which I believe are important to share...one that had me laughing until tears was... jess make sure the person has teeth doesn't matter how many jess making sure they have them. Hilarious. Of course the more realistic deal breaker list includes Hygiene. This is such an important deal breaker; if you take a shit...Please throw some water on that ass.. if you have dirty finger nails do not approach someone before cleaning that mess out! Funny enough men ordering a frozen margarita on a first date---is jess a big turn off; it doesn't show masculinity according to some. Speaking of being masculine---does a female ordering Erk & Jerk (E&J) make them a scally? [Jess Wondering]...Another need to know deal breaker, someone that be on that "Carl Thomas" [EMOTIONAL] a woman that whines it makes her seem immature..but a man that whines..goodness a grown ass human upset about some shit that generally isn't that serious...Bye Felicia..! This jess isn't going to work...Yes women want emotion and sensitivity but that is for the purpose of consoling chicks not for your own problems man up! Shit![Jess kidding...hehe] Another deal breaker which I actually can agree with even though it is a bit superficial; someone that doesn't match their fly--take this how you want to...but most people believe it is important that y'all look like y'all "belong" together...You can't be Grade-A filet Mignon trying  date a packof turkey bacon---it jess isn't going to work...If she/he is truly impressed at the .99 cent store...and you never even been inside the .99 cent store it jess isn't going to work!!!

 Finally, a gloray amen shout goes out to this last and final deal breaker:
Someone that can't hold an intelligent conversation; of course you can be silly--but where is your mind at? A degree definitely isn't a plus, I know a lot of dumb ass college educated people, it jess won't work if you are numb to an intelligent thought process... One person told me "I've never been attracted to dumb asses...but it is a lot of them out there..." Shame shame...hold a conversation people! While many like to accuse each other for only wanting sex are you giving this person hints? Dating is like job interviews truly--say the wrong thing and the job isn't yours..[Jess Sayin] Of course I am not saying you can avoid these deal breakers--but take note in your pattern what are you doing/saying and perhaps that is a way to analyze if you are a fudge up!
 People act like deal breakers are negotiable THEY AREN'T... so the next time you are on a date, texting, or on the phone...THINK before you speak. Are you acting like dollar store material when you believe you are Bloomingdale quality? Well act like it then! Keep those breast put away, the stretchy polyester material away for a while..matter of fact, throw that shit away!!! Men, if you work at the gas station--you better be [HGAIC] head gas attendant in charge! A woman is truly not concerned with WHERE you work..it is how you act about where you work... but don't break your pockets of course, jess show her that your job doesn't dictate your dating life style! I swear I'm jess talking from an opinion--i mostly don't know shit. I'm Jess Sayin!!! ;) Day 4!!! One more day!! Until next time!!

Buy These Bitches Some Bottles!

So a couple of weeks ago me and some of my girlfriends were out celebrating a birthday or whatever. We were all there, minding our own fine business enjoying the scenery when a group of guys and a chick come up to OUR section. We all introduce ourselves to the folks we don't know and get the evil look from the chick that was with the group of guys... Of course we didn't give a damn...1.We were chillin' we don't generally worry about the people that we don't know or CARE to know...shorty was a not a factor...
2. We were enjoying our friend's birthday and could REALLY care less who showed up and who didn't and 3. we are jess the type that if you are friendly and warm we will be too! ANYWAY...within this group there was one guy...a short odd ball [who happened to be with the chick]--- he walks up to our table and says "We AIN'T BUY ALL THESE BITCHES BOTTLES!!"ohhh so of course of all the friends I heard it...I am usually a pretty calm person[HA] but I jess don't take peoples shit EVER.... So I politely go up to him and say WATCH your mouth because none of these BITCHES need you to buy a bottle....

Of course Shorty mack turned around and didn't say another word to us all night [GOOD]... But here is my point, what about my group said "WE THIRSTY CAN YOU BUY US SOME LIQUOR?" Secondly, dudes with curls especially light skin men should know curls for the girls is definitely played out [Jess Sayin] so no one was remotely interested and thirdly, he came up to our table...Get the hell off our property.... Now I was actually more bothered by this than I would normally be because I mean, I think I've got a pretty classy set of friends or whatever; but moreover when did buying a bottle get you ANYWHERE but in the poor house with females??

Apparently he was "type rich"...[clears throat] well BITCH we rich too... LMAO yes it is jess that serious. Not only did you insult us by saying what you weren't going to do, you assumed we actually gave a damn about what you COULD do. [life lesson] most chicks that can afford it...ain't worried about whether you can provide it, in fact we wouldn't have been impressed had you bought it anyway..[Jess Sayin]
See the reason why he thought it was okay to even utter those words is because some of you whorenishas have ruined it for the decent chicks out here...Y'all call each other bitches in public and anytime a man drops a dime or spends a little money them goodies hit the floor! Stop giving it up so easy for a bottle of $100 bottle of moet I'm sure the peen you got wasn't even worth to wooden collector nickels! Excuse me men, [Y'all not off the hook either] I'm jess going to ask you nicely STOP messing with the chicks that look like the help! That is like donating your Sunday's Best to a stripper...Its jess stupid and doesn't make much sense to do. Help them help themselves! As a whole y'all gotta stop because these "bitches" didn't need him to buy a bottle; but obviously he was use to dealing with the same type of chick he brought to the club that night... you know the lace front princess leggings and heels type? Yeah those....but wrong group buddy...but as usual I ain't talking about shit...what the hell do I know because I'm Jess Sayin!

Dr Jess Sayin Webesteem Part 2: Delusion

How many times in a day is someone blocking a hater? How many people claim to have one? Have you ever read a post and thought that b***lying ? Lol Well have no fear, let me help you out they probably don't have haters in real life..Dr. Jess Sayin has entered the building and I'm here to tell you all that most people that address their "haters"..probably don't have proof of even having one person that is "hating" on them. I spoke about Web-esteem [Part 1] a couple of months ago, but I wanted to pick it up with a segment of another disease that is related to these decepticons. Jess to refresh your memory although I know y'all read ALL my posts...a decepticon is someone that is unable to understand the difference between reality and perception  many people jess LIE on social networks..BUT ANYWAY..back to your so-called haters... There are No haters! Jess so we are clear, someone you know may be suffering and in turn are delusional! Don't worry..I've got a few sure signs that might help you save a haeux or two from  delusion..

 1. Do you or someone you know constantly "rebuke" haters in your life? "I ain't got time for haters I'm better than that"- Quita... AYE YO QUITAAAA... if you don't have time for your haters, why waste time addressing them? Why must you declare that you are better than the people that "hate" you? [I'm Jess wondering]... If someone is going to dislike you--- wouldn't they jess be up front about it and if not does it truly concern you?? Quita I think you might be a little delusional...[JESS SAYIN]

2. Are you constantly giving these "haters" salutations?? Lil Doobie posts "Hi/Goodnight Haters" *Turns out night light* --Sooo, did your enemy respond? [Jess Wondering]--often people that truly don't like you wouldn't waste energy making themselves known...if you have to say good morning and good night to them perhaps they don't exist...Lil Doobs you might jess be delusional....

3. Are you a constantly reminding us that you don't have time for a hater? Well, if you don't have time for a hater...why do you even know that you have some? If you don't have time for a hater how do you know how much time it takes? LMAO [Jess Sayin] Shawty...if you don't understand the conclusion that I've drawn i believe you jess made need to be seen by Dr Jess Sayin...because you are in fact delusional..

Don't worry your delusional little head, there is always a cure! You ready for it...!?Jess stop convincing yourself that people hate you..[OOOhhh Killem] It is jess that simple. Thank me Later. Seriously though, having a hater is so 1999, we are in 2013 striving for greater things! So next time you see someone with a hashtag or comment about having a hater...refer them to these 4 words. Do. Better. In. 2013. As I always say...I don't know shit...I'm Jess Sayin... A blog a day for a whole week! [5 days] Day 2!--See ya!!!

Jess Stop it...

So I myself am NO relationship expert; however, there are a few things I've observed... Some ..not all "single" folks broadcast the fact that they are single ... but it seems more like a competition? Who can appear to be "most lonely" via social networks. Often times I scroll down my timeline to witness a lot of "what I would do if I had a man/woman posts" and while you may think its enduring or alluring... let me explain that most of us [single, married, dating, indifferent] 1. DON'T care what you would do in a relationship. 2.. Perhaps the infamous black man having sex with a woman with the caption along the lines of "i wish i had this" makes you look like a heaux? or maybe 3. you look desperate ahhh sounds like thirst trap mixed with desperation which makes you... un-dateable; hence #teamLonely #teamsingle ...Lets do better to end 2013 and leave all the cry baby shit to Drake....[Jess wait on it]
So I hashtagged #TeamSingle Jess to see how many people hashtag that dumb shit and an alarming hit of 373,831 post came up--mind you this is jess for the profiles that are not private! WHAT do you all be on??

Not to slam ya'll with my religious beliefs but I love the Lord [AMEN] and one Sunday sermon quote comes to mind... the guest pastor said--"what are dogs attracted to..? Dog Food--- To put things in perspective....if you act like a lonely hoe...you might be treated like one! Are you surprised? Think about how you represent yourself...
 1. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are horny and lonely at the same damn time?

2. Are you constantly posting things that may indicate you are single?! 

3. Do you not understand why #1 & #2 are unacceptable [Jess STOP and think about it] if you still haven't figured it out, wait for it..... Nobody wants a desperate hoe girlfriend or wife... While you may want to be married and have a dreamy tall dark and handsome do you think he wants someone that appears to be thirsty on social networks?! Regardless of all that... how you represent yourselves on these sites matters!

 Men, the same goes for you all; on instagram straight flexing about how women ain't shit? Speaking about how you are so tired of seeing them in the club... But wait if you seeing them in the club WHAT ARE  YOU doing there every weekend... [Jess sayin]. You can't ask  someone to bring quiche to the table and you've only got materials for a grilled cheese...[jess classless] LMAO..I digress, my point keep your expectations at your own level... Bottom line. You are single because, it jess might not be your season. Everyone in relationships aren't doing the greatest either skeletons on skeletons.. Sometimes there is a reason for a single season..or TWO or THREE...maybe you were suppose to accomplish something first..maybe Mr. Right or Mrs. Right has been traveling the world for years, buried themselves in the library, or Incarcerated? [Too Far or Nah?] LOL 

THE POINT: BE EASY SHORTY....YOUR LOVE LIFE IS ON THE WAY! ...To be real though, pray about it.. God hasn't let me down yet... patience, a tough trait that many of us struggle with. I don't want to end by saying stop looking for love because to be honest what does that even mean; but I will say this...Stop trying to make everyone you date "The One"... Again, I'm not relationship guru..I'm Jess Sayin...

Thanks guys for your patience! A BLOG A DAY...For ONE WHOLE WEEK..[WELL 5 DAYS] Hahaha... Until tomorrow LATER! 

Y'all Jess Too Busy Thirst Trapping

Have you ever fallen victim to the trap...? What trap am I speaking of... the #Thirsttrap!
Now while a lot of you have been seeing me randomly hash tag #thirsttrapping on twitter & pictures. It is all in the name of truth people #thirsttrapping is real! It is another social disease that we all suffer from we are all guilty of #thirsttrapping it is jess another way to put our damn business out there and apparently  SOME of you all claim to do it without realizing its a thirst trap..hmmm [RIGHT..jess keep it real] we are all far far from discrete!  OK jess so we are all on the same page and because everyone isn't as cool as I; many might be wondering what is thirst trapping? OH [U AIN'T KNOW??] It is the ability to fall "in love or like"  with a picture, video, or words that may appear to be tantalizing! They often solicits comments such as: "Damn you fine!" "Girl don't make me..." as well as the emoticons/smiley faces/hearts. Is this you? Damn my friend you have been #thirstrapping.

  For instance, Bon'qui-qui posts a picture of herself with the caption "#NewPillows..." MEANWHILE  Qui-Qui is a nice thick tendoroni--- she jess #thirsttrapped all her followers...whether it was for the "like" or for the comments...She got you! Many won't even read the caption. Half of you won't even realize the post was about "pillows"...Y'all have to be aware
#thirsttrapping is another form of seeking acceptance and attention. Many have fallen victim to #thirsttraps and some times the people performing them like to pretend that it wasn't intentional... NOW QUI-QUI GIRL, you know damn well... WHY you posted this picture..for the attention, folks are really out here demoralizing themselves for a little social media attention...[jess petty]

Now let me not shift all the blame on the person posting the picture, or "model pose" videos; how some of you comment and like are just as much a trap... If Ezel goes through and likes all of baby girl's photos what is he doing?? Trying to get her attention "hey boo"  date me...It's another form of "lemme holla at cha lemme holla holla hollaaaa". By way of "imma like all your photos then inconspicuously put my # on one picture".... Back in the day we didn't have Internet hook up abilities like that-- we had other trap devices [playing It, writing notes--making sure you check yes or no] but in 2013, y'all jess crazy! Believe it or not, some people end up meeting the folks they thirst trap AND apparently hookup?? [Jess nasty]. When someone likes that many of your pictures what do you do? Click on their name and see what they look like and what do we have? Insta-connect [Jess Sayin...]

There are many ways to thirst trap and we ALL fall for the heaven sent body parts.. We are all entertained by a person's perfectly sculpted body.  We can't help it.

BUT Here is the reality people! Many moons ago a people use to say picture a picture is worth a thousand words.. but in 2013 the only thing we promote 1,000 ways is how to: SEX, LIE, and BE RATCHET...All we do is over share... Create insta-lives and then wonder why you have "fans" and "haters"...don't be that person..Whatever happened to art.. Qui-Qui's ass and Ezel's muscles only suggest a few things...and it isn't art [Jess Sayin] To all the Qui-Quis/Ezels of the world...hear me out! I'm jess curious, what are you really selling here...or excuse me..GIVING AWAY? Yet you will continue to hashtag #TeamSingle... you're single because nobody wants to be with someone that everyone has seen. What level of expectation are you providing..if all they need to do is scroll through your pictures on social networks? No one wants someone that appears to be desperate and if no one told you...that is desperation.. keep that ON THE LOW..[Date each other for a while...then get crazy] --haha..Jess kidding...[MAYBE]....But as always I'm not taking about ish....What do I know...I'm Jess Sayin...

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Dr. Jess Sayin:Web-esteem Part 1: The Problem

 Have you ever been out to eat with a group and no one is talking to each other? Everyone has their phones looking down and not paying attention to each other, yet they planned the meal time together? Sadly, it is a common thing amongst these young whipper snappers, it is a cell phone craze we feel we have to stay connected!   Have you ever been in a room with people that are chatting and enjoying each others company and there's one person that is so unengaged and jess dead ass silent? We've all been guilty of laughing at our cell phones before, but this friend jess isn't social EVER---and laughs at no human jokes made...but constantly laughs at things online? We are all guilty of being anti-social at times but when people are out and talking to one another most will usually put the phone away! So lets jess say you hop on twitter for a brief moment to see that "boring bae girl bae Bo-shinka-shay"  or "you aint got no job man Tommy" has a twitter, instagram, and facebook that is POPPIN'...They are tweeting and reporting scene by scene of the event like they are having so much fun:"Girl talk with my girls"(@ShinkaShay_FINEWINE) "Poppin' bottles and the chicks in here is wild" -(@Im_TommyMAN) not only is she quiet the whole time, ain't got no job Tommy hasn't put a wooden nickel for the "bottles" he is tweeting about...[SMH]

 --This...Ladies and Gents is a terrible case of Web-esteem: poppin on social media but losing in real life social skills. Attention! Web-esteem is contagious. It is caught by those who live to please their "followers" or "friends" on social sites. Dr. Jess Sayin' is on the matter, I've been doing research on this people, studying the symptoms of Web-esteem which are very easy to recognize
         Many of us that are in the lab shout out to my group chat, [we] have given you fakers a name: Decepticons! Decepticons are people that  "think" they have mastered being "real" by portraying a certain image on social media. Their mission is to reach the masses and folks that are normally out of their league. Decepticons give the people what they "think" we want to see and by golly goodness---this is what makes them deceptive...Decepticons! Many are wondering, how do we know the truth about these "alleged decepticons" BECAUSE WE KNOW THEM IN REAL LIFE before there was a Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook! [Jess keepin' it real]

Do You Know Someone In Crisis?
Do you know someone that lacks real life social skills? Does this person not interact when in large groups? Are they jess as funny lookin' as their tweets?....Does this person speak in acronyms when they talk ? (LOL, LMAO, LMS, BOL,LBVS,SMH,SMDH,SMMFH)---If you have answered yes or you may think you've caught web-esteem, please--It is time for an intervention: It is a very viral disease get you some real life business as soon as possible so you can then be the person that puts your WHOLE life on the internet [I'm Jess Playin] hahaha.

The Cure: On the next episode of: Jess Sayin: "Dr. Jess, I'm a Decepticon...help!"---Have no fear Jess Sayin' is here!

---Until Next Time.....

I bet a lot of you are like...is this BLOGGER serious? YES. I. AM. Ask anybody, I'm poppin in real life too (toots own horn --toot toot!) But hey, what do I know don't forget to subscribe to the blog----I'm Jess Sayin'!